The Sensitive Mother

Being a mother has been the most rewarding experience of my life so far–but also the most challenging.

The most challenging part of motherhood occurred for me three weeks ago when my maternity leave ended.  Going back to work and leaving my four month old son everyday has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.  I’m still constantly sad knowing that he’s not with me during the day.

Because I feel everything so deeply, my maternal instinct to be with my child was so strong (and still is).  Even though my son is with a trusted and loving relative, it still feels so unnatural for me to leave him everyday.  The first week back to work, it felt like my heart was being torn out every morning when my husband left with the baby.

It is still so difficult everyday to leave my son but it has gotten easier as the weeks go on.  I still feel torn all the time–I want to be strong and make money for my son but I also feel so strongly that I’m going to miss out on his life if I don’t stay home with him.  I also feel that I know what’s best for him right now, and it just doesn’t make sense to leave him everyday.

I do have faith that the difficulty I’m facing right now is preparing me for what’s to come in my life.   God’s plan for us is flawless, and every event in our lives teaches us a lesson.  One of the lessons for me may be to relinquish control, trust in God and the universe, and, ultimately, choose love instead of fear.  I sense that my fear of change is holding me back.  I can learn to settle into the changes in my life and trust that they are happening for a reason.

Becoming a mother has changed me to the core.  My desire to be more authentic for my child runs deep, so how can I possibly be the same person I used to be at work?  It’s impossible.  So I will do my best to set boundaries at work, saying no to anything that I don’t feel passionately about.  I will use my time more efficiently, closing my door in order to block out the noise and really focus  People may not like this new me, but I must do what I have to do in order to be the best working mother I can be.

Ultimately, being a mother makes me a better employee as well–more efficient, more compassionate and empathetic, more focused, and more loving.  My son is already pushing me to grow, and he’s only four months old!  Children are so much wiser than we can possibly imagine.

My journey of motherhood has been amazing so far.  I feel such indescribable love for my child and am so grateful that he’s in my life.  I sense that he is here to help me grow into the person I’m meant to become–a better, stronger, more loving, more patient, kinder person.  He is already in the process of teaching me so many important lessons–about trust, love, acceptance, patience, courage.  Now, everything I do and say in my life is a model for him–it makes me want to be braver, stronger, push through my fear of failure and making mistakes, choosing love over fear in every moment.  This is what I want to teach him, and I know that our children learn what we live, so it’s so important for me to be a better person in every moment because he’s always watching and listening.

So, I will be the best mother I can be.  I will not compare myself to other mothers, I will take it easy on myself, I will say no to anything that I don’t feel passionately about, and I will trust that all of this is happening to make me a better mother and person.  I will wake up every morning knowing that I have to take care of myself and find my joy in order to teach my child that we create our own happiness.

To all the working mothers out there, how do you deal with the challenges of being a working mom? Please share your experiences and advice in the comment section.

 

 

 

Advertisements